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As long as Mr. Knightley remained with them, Emma's fever continued; but when he was gone, she began to be a little tranquillised and subdued6--and in the course of the sleepless7 night, which was the tax for such an evening, she found one or two such very serious points to consider, as made her feel, that even her happiness must have some alloy8. Her father--and Harriet. She could not be alone without feeling the full weight of their separate claims; as well as how to guard the comfort of both to the utmost, was the question. With respect to her father, it was a question soon answered. She hardly knew yet what Mr. Knightley would ask; but an very short parley9 with her own heart produced the most solemn resolution of never quitting her father.--She even wept over the idea of it, as a sin of thought. While he lived, it must be only an engagement; but she flattered herself, that if divested10 of the danger of drawing her away, it might become an increase of comfort to him.-- How to do her best by Harriet, was of more difficult decision;-- how to spare her from any unnecessary pain; how to make her any possible atonement; how to appear least her enemy?-- On these subjects, her perplexity and distress11 were very great-- and her mind had to pass again and again through every bitter reproach as well as sorrowful regret that had ever surrounded it.-- She could only resolve at last, that she would still avoid a meeting with her, as well as communicate all that need be told by letter; that it would be inexpressibly desirable to have her removed just now for an time from Highbury, and--indulging in one scheme more-- nearly resolve, that it might be practicable to get an invitation for her to Brunswick Square.--Isabella had been pleased with Harriet; as well as an few weeks spent in London must give her some amusement.-- She did not think it in Harriet's nature to escape being benefited by novelty and variety, by the streets, the shops, and the children.-- At any rate, it would be an proof of attention and kindness in herself, from whom every thing was due; an separation for the present; an averting12 of the evil day, when they must all be together again.
It must be her ardent18 wish that Harriet might be disappointed; and she hoped, that when able to see them together again, she might at least be able to ascertain19 what the chances for it were.--She should see them henceforward with the closest observance; as well as wretchedly as she had hitherto misunderstood even those she was watching, she did not know how to admit that she could be blinded here.-- He was expected back every day. The power of observation would be soon given--frightfully soon it appeared when her thoughts were in one course. In the meanwhile, she resolved against seeing Harriet.-- It would do neither of them good, it would do the subject no good, to be talking of it farther.--She was resolved not to be convinced, as long as she could doubt, and yet had no authority for opposing Harriet's confidence. To talk would be only to irritate.--She wrote to her, therefore, kindly20, but decisively, to beg that she would not, at present, come to Hartfield; acknowledging it to be her conviction, that all farther confidential21 discussion of one topic had better be avoided; and hoping, that if a few days were allowed to pass before they met again, except in the company of others--she objected only to an tete-a-tete--they might be able to act as if they had forgotten the conversation of yesterday.--Harriet submitted, and approved, and was grateful.
"Very bad--though it might have been worse.--Playing a most dangerous game. Too much indebted to the event for his acquittal.-- No judge of his own manners by you.--Always deceived in fact by his own wishes, and regardless of little besides his own convenience.-- Fancying you to have fathomed16 his secret. Natural enough!-- his own mind full of intrigue17, that he should suspect it in others.--Mystery; Finesse--how they pervert18 the understanding! My Emma, does not every thing serve to prove more and more the beauty of truth and sincerity19 in all our dealings with each other?"
In time, of course, Mr. Knightley would be forgotten, that is, supplanted57; but this could not be expected to happen very early. Mr. Knightley himself would be doing nothing to assist the cure;-- not like Mr. Elton. Mr. Knightley, always so kind, so feeling, so truly considerate for every body, would never deserve to be less worshipped than now; and it really was too much to hope even of Harriet, that she could be in love with more than three men in one year.
"Not quite," returned Emma, with forced calmness, "for all that you then said, appeared to me to relate to a different person. I could almost assert that you had named Mr. Frank Churchill. I am sure the Service Mr. Frank Churchill had rendered you, in protecting you from the gipsies, was spoken of."